Phoenix: Live Love Laugh

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a plan for my life.
Where I was going.
When I would get there.
Who would be with me?
What the journey would look like.

But for the first time ever… I’m lost.
So lost, it feels surreal.

This past year, I found myself wanting a “microwave life” — fast, easy, simple, and ready now.
But when your life has been shaken by a battle between life and death, nothing about it can be rushed.
No shortcuts. No drive-thru fixes.
And definitely no Burger King-style “have it your way” plans. (I guess nobody warned me about that part.)

The reality is…
I’ve been buried under the weight of side effects — weight gain, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.
Buried under the weight of unpaid bills, a lack of employment, loneliness, and a son who wouldn’t lift a hand to help.
It felt like no hope was left. No knight in shining armor riding in. No Iyanla to fix my life.
It was just me.

Me… and Jesus.
And if I was going to survive this, I had to save myself from myself.
I had to invest in myself.
But how do you invest when everything you have is already being spent just trying to stay alive?

Today, with my birthday just 34 days away, I’m making a vow:
34 days. 34 steps. 34 positive changes.

One day at a time, one step at a time — I will rebuild.
I will return to the basics — to faith, hope, discipline, and grace.

Today’s feel-good song:
🎶 Private Party — India Arie

These lyrics feel like my anthem right now:

“I’m having a private party
Ain’t nobody here but me, my angels, and my guitar
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become…”

This is exactly where I am — celebrating the woman I’m becoming, not despite the storms, but because of them.
Learning to laugh in the quiet moments.
Learning that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely.
Learning that real healing comes from within.

Today, I honor how far I’ve come — even if the world can’t see it yet.
Today, I start my private party.

Happy early birthday to me.

“Sometimes the biggest celebrations are the ones no one else sees — the ones where you finally decide to choose yourself.”