Phoenix: Live Love Laugh

Can you love someone and not like them? Or like someone without loving them? These questions have lingered in my mind ever since a conversation I had with a close friend of mine, who was in the Army Reserve at the time. It wasn’t until after he passed away in 2014 from a motorcycle accident —something I learned only years later—that his words about like and love truly resonated with me.

This conversation took place while he was stationed in Afghanistan. He called to tell me he was coming home and needed to see me. During our chat, he shared stories about a young woman he had dated in high school. A couple of years later, he called again to announce his engagement. I asked if it was to the same woman, and he answered no. “I didn’t love her,” “but I liked her.” I remember being confused. “What do you mean you like her but don’t love her?” I asked.

It took me a while to fully grasp what he meant, but over the years, as I reflected on my own relationships—romantic and platonic—I began to understand. There are relationships where love is present, but liking is absent. And there are those where liking is abundant, but love is shallow. In fact, I have two important people in my life that I will forever love but do not particularly like. By the end of this post, you’ll understand why.

Introduction
Relationships are the cornerstone of our lives, connecting us through shared experiences, love, and mutual understanding. At the heart of every relationship lies two emotions that shape its strength and longevity: liking and loving. While we often use these words interchangeably, they represent very different aspects of a relationship. Understanding how like and love intersect can help us nurture more meaningful and enduring bonds, whether with family, friends, or romantic partners.

Understanding the Nature of Liking
Liking someone is often the first step toward building a relationship. It’s rooted in admiration and shared values, and it’s the emotional foundation that allows a bond to grow. Liking is lighter than love, but it’s essential in fostering authentic connections that are both enjoyable and fulfilling.

The Role of Liking in Relationships

• Shared Interests: Liking often develops from shared activities, hobbies, or passions. These common interests create opportunities for connection and serve as the initial spark in building a relationship.
• Respect and Appreciation: Liking someone means appreciating their qualities—whether their sense of humor, kindness, or intelligence. This mutual admiration builds the respect necessary for a healthy, positive relationship.
• Enjoyment of Presence: Liking makes someone’s company enjoyable and uplifting. It’s that effortless comfort you feel when spending time with someone you like.

What Love Really Means
Love, on the other hand, goes far beyond liking. It’s a deeper, more complex emotion defined by commitment, sacrifice, and a profound sense of care. Love transforms relationships, creating bonds that are enduring and often life-changing.

The Role of Love in Relationships

• Commitment: Love is often tied to a deeper commitment to another person. It means investing time, energy, and emotional resources to nurture the relationship, especially through challenges.
• Empathy and Care: Love is characterized by empathy—the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings. This fosters a deep sense of care and a genuine desire to prioritize their well-being.
• Acceptance: Love embraces both strengths and flaws, offering a safe space for vulnerability. It’s about accepting someone for who they truly are, no matter their imperfections.

Why Like and Love Must Coexist
The most fulfilling relationships are those in which liking and loving coexist. Love provides the deep emotional connection that strengthens bonds over time, while liking ensures that the relationship remains light, fun, and filled with joy.

• Liking as the Backbone of Love: Without liking, love can feel heavy and burdensome. The joy that comes from liking someone ensures that the relationship remains vibrant, nurturing, and dynamic.
• Love as the Anchor for Liking: On the flip side, love ensures that liking isn’t superficial. It provides depth and resilience, making sure that the connection stays strong even during difficult times.

Challenges in Balancing Like and Love
While both like and love are essential, balancing them can be tricky. At times, relationships may lean too heavily on one side, either focusing on the joy of liking or the depth of love.

• Overemphasis on Love: Relationships that focus only on love may lose the playfulness and spontaneity that liking provides. This can lead to feelings of obligation rather than enjoyment.
• Overemphasis on Liking: Relationships based solely on liking can lack emotional depth and commitment, leaving the connection feeling shallow and unfulfilling.

Strategies for Cultivating Both Like and Love
Here are a few ways to nurture both liking and love in your relationships:

• Prioritize Shared Experiences: Engage in activities that foster mutual enjoyment and shared memories.
• Communicate Openly: Transparent communication strengthens trust and deepens love.
• Show Appreciation: Express gratitude for one another’s qualities, reinforcing the reasons you enjoy each other’s company.
• Practice Empathy: Understand and support each other’s feelings, fostering love and resilience.
• Celebrate Moments of Joy: Incorporating humor and lightheartedness keeps the relationship vibrant and fun.

Conclusion
Like and love are two sides of the same coin, each playing a vital role in the success of relationships. While love provides the depth and commitment needed to endure life’s challenges, liking ensures the relationship remains joyful and fulfilling. Together, they create connections that are both resilient and rewarding. By nurturing both, you can build relationships that are not only lasting but also rich with meaning and happiness.

“For a successful and lasting marriage, emotional depth is essential.”

Live Love Laugh Learn SIP Sargent Terrance Kane