Can We Uninstall 2020? It Has a Virus.
If only it were that easy, right?
Between a pandemic, social distancing, job insecurity, and life after surgery, I’ve caught myself whispering, “God, can I get a new version of this year?”
At the start of 2020, I had hope. I had just come out of a major hip replacement surgery in December 2019, and by April I was four months post-op, feeling the smallest flicker of normal again.
Then came COVID-19—and everything changed.
Rekindling Joy in Isolation
Surprisingly, the early days of quarantine didn’t hit me too hard. I was already used to being home, being in bed, being still.
I reconnected with an old love: planning. Not just writing appointments in a calendar—but full-on creative planning using my Happy Planner. If you know, you know—stickers, layouts, motivational quotes. For me, it brought a spark of joy in a world that suddenly felt so gray.
I also binge-watched shows (Black List had me hooked), dabbled on TikTok, and deliberately stayed off the news—it was just too draining. For a while, I held it together. But then…
When Anxiety Hit Like a Brick Wall
It all changed last week.
My lease was ending, and I was preparing to move—again. After three major surgeries, three different states, and six years of survival post-coma, anxiety came in like a flood.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
➡️ No one is coming to rescue you.
Yes, friends and family love us. But eventually, they have their own needs. At some point, we all have to fight for ourselves.
Moving alone during a pandemic was terrifying:
- How do I hire movers safely?
- Who can I trust to come into my home?
- How do I tour new places when leasing offices are closed?
- How do I get money orders when banks require in-person visits?
It felt like a cruel maze. One leasing office finally agreed to online forms, but the final deposit and keys had to be done in person. I cried. I panicked. I spiraled.
Drowning in Worry… Then Remembering Who I Am
I disconnected from the world.
I stopped writing.
I drowned in my anxiety and tears.
Until I remembered—I serve a Risen God. And He did not create me to live in fear.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you… I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10
“Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in Me.” — John 14:1
Why We Worry (Even When We Know Better)
If worrying was a professional sport, I’d be MVP.
Here’s what I know about worry:
💢 Worry Is Self-Torment
The word worry literally means to torment oneself. No one’s doing it to us—we’re doing it to ourselves. It’s like running in place with fear as our treadmill.
💢 Worry Fuels the Fire
Worry is like a wildfire. The more you feed it with thoughts, what-ifs, and fear, the more it burns. And soon—it consumes everything.
💢 Worry Robs Our Peace
It affects sleep, appetite, relationships, focus. And worst of all, it drains the energy we could be using to grow, pray, create, and heal.
The Truth Behind the Fear
“We tend to worry about what matters most. But it’s also the place where we trust God the least.”
Let that sit.
When I worry about my future, it means I’m struggling to trust that God has a plan.
But He does.
Even in a pandemic.
Even when my anxiety shouts louder than my faith.
Even when I can’t see the way out.
My 2020 Declaration: I’m Reclaiming My Year
I was supposed to make 2020 the best year of my last six. And guess what?
I still am.
No virus, no move, no storm of anxiety can cancel what God started in me.
“Faith over fear.” Always.
✨ Reflect:
Would you consider yourself someone who worries?
How often do you dwell on things you can’t control?
What would your life look like if you trusted God more and worried less?
Ask God to reveal His truth to you in this season of uncertainty.
And if you’re struggling, just know—you are not alone.
#FaithOverFear #Uninstall2020 #COVIDAnxiety #ChristianPlanner #MovingInFaith #HealingFromSurgery #Isaiah4110 #TrustGodInTransition
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