2020 Decade · Black girl magic · blogging · Life after a coma · Sickle Cell Disease · Survivors

Anxiety – my ignorance was bliss

Anxiety, holding Magnifying Glass. Studio Shot

Have you ever done something so risky that you were unaware of until you stopped took time and think about it and really analyze what you just did? Let me give you an example and I know I am not the only person this has happened to but ever drove home from work or a friend’s house only to realize you got to your destination safe but you have no recollection of the actual drive except getting into your vehicle and viola you are home. Then you start analyzing all the ways you could of gotten into an accident or taken a wrong turn, but didn’t. Yes, your ignorance of that drive was bliss. So, this is how my life has been for at least 4 years. I have blogged about my coma and the mental impact (brain damage) I suffered, well I was aware of constantly forgetting things, unable to multi-task, not remembering things (from locking the door-to finding things -to leaving the stove one) etc.. you catch my drift. One thing I was not aware of was my driving mental state, once I got tested and the results revealed I had mild cognitive effects from the hemorrhaging in my brain my anxiety came to light about how absent minded I have been about my driving.

Now, maybe it’s in the state of Texas or it could be I was to blissfully unaware. I am a free spirited person and the super highway is my oyster. Honestly, ever since I moved to Texas a year and a half ago I have developed EXTREME anxiety to driving so much that it now has me on the brink of becoming a hermit and if that happens “I will take coma life for a million Alex”. My son kept saying I am probably suffering from PTSD from the coma, I didn’t want to accept that.

My sister an I were having a conversation over the weekend and she started having anxiety and the doctor told her it could be a fall she had on her head as a toddler (she is now 50). Then she said anxiety is unresolved trauma that was never dealt with, just then it struck me my son was correct. I decided to look it up because I have never had anxiety before, I have heard others have it or talk about it but never me so I needed to educate myself.

It’s normal to feel anxious about moving to a new place, starting a new job, or taking a test. This type of anxiety is unpleasant, but it may motivate you to work harder and to do a better job. Ordinary anxiety is a feeling that comes and goes, but does not interfere with your everyday life. (I have moved serval times and never had anxiety) so it is not normal for me and I don’t want it to be.

In the case of an anxiety disorder, the feeling of fear may be with you all the time. It is intense and sometimes debilitating.

This type of anxiety may cause you to stop doing things you enjoy. In extreme cases, it may prevent you from entering an elevator, crossing the street, or even leaving your home. If left untreated, the anxiety will keep getting worse.

Anxiety disorders are the most common form of emotional disorder and can affect anyone at any age. According to the American Psychiatric Association, women are more likely than men to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I digress…. for a minute. In the summer last year I started taking CBD oil for mainly pain from my shoulder replacement but I mentioned to the sales person my anxiety.. which lead to my depression, also my coma, me moving to Texas with no family, friends or support system, so I was dealing with a lot. Once I started using CBD oil everything seemed to get better pain was less, anxiety is still there but I a little more relaxed at going out with short limits. No depression. Two things I never had to deal with suddenly took over my life. I cannot live with anxiety so another 2020 goal is to move out of this crazy traffic state and regain or salvage my life. I have even invested in being an ambassador with my own website for a CBD company, I feel it is needed while I work on taking back my sanity.

Before I moved to TX in 2018 I was roaming the super highways on the East Coast, never caring about traffic of sky high – highways, or even merging traffic now I think back on how many times something could of gone wrong while driving but THANK YOU LORD nothing ever did. No accidents to date.

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