Phoenix: Live Love Laugh

How to Improve Discernment in Relationships and Navigate Life with Wisdom, Humor, and Healthy Boundaries

Finding Balance, Joy, and Wisdom in the People Who Matter Most 

Discernment. It’s a word that often gets tangled in philosophical musings or buried in the dusty pages of self-help books. But let’s take it out for a spin in real life—amid the delightful chaos of friendships, the complex tapestry of family, and the roller coaster of daily interactions. In a world overflowing with opinions, obligations, and Instagram influencers telling us how to live, discernment is the compass we didn’t know we needed. And trust me, with a bit of fun and wit, it’s an art worth mastering. 

I’ve always been the sure friend, the sure sister, the sure cousin, the sure daughter—the go-to person for everyone. I figured everyone should be like me… but I guessed wrong. While I prioritized people’s needs, no one seemed to consider mine, and that’s when resentment crept in. Since the coma, this issue has only gotten worse, so I started praying, asking God to please show me when others’ actions are solely for their selfish gain. And as I began to practice discernment, I found clarity in recognizing what’s truly in others’ hearts. 

In this journey, it’s important to embrace the Christian perspective of perception in the absence of judgment, with a view to obtaining spiritual guidance and understanding. As one wise thought puts it, “Without providing for a time of healing and discernment, there will be no hope of living through this present moment without a shattering of our common life.” This rings true, especially as we seek to navigate the complex relationships in our lives, grounded in faith, and trusting God’s plan for clarity.

Discernment: Your Secret Superpower 

What is discernment? Imagine a filter that sifts through the noise, drama, and unsolicited advice to reveal the gems of truth, wisdom, and authenticity. It’s not just about making good decisions; it’s about making the right decisions for you. Whether it’s choosing which friends to confide in or deciding how to approach that family dinner where Aunt Margie inevitably brings up politics, discernment is the silent hero of countless moments. 

Friends: The Chosen Family 

Let’s start with friends—the delightful, occasionally exasperating people we choose to share our lives with. Discernment with friends isn’t about keeping only the perfect ones around (spoiler: they don’t exist). It’s about recognizing who brings out your best self, who challenges you in healthy ways, and who, quite frankly, should stay in the realm of acquaintances. 

The Friend Categories, Decoded 

The Cheerleader: They’re your hype squad, your “you-can-do-anything” people. Keep them close—and maybe borrow their energy when your own tank runs low. 

The Wise Sage: This is the friend who gives advice so spot-on, you wonder if they’re moonlighting as a therapist. Trust their insights, but always pair them with your gut feeling. 

The Secret Keeper: No matter how messy your drama, they’d rather swallow their tongue than spill your secrets. Gold standard material. 

The Comedic Relief: Life feels heavier without them. These friends remind you that sometimes, the best response to chaos is laughter. 

While discernment helps you identify these gems, it also allows you to gently step back from relationships that drain your energy or cloud your judgment. Yes, that includes the friend who only calls when they need a favor or the one who thinks drama is a recreational sport. 

Family: The Original Circus Act 

Ah, family—the people you didn’t choose but are forever connected to. From the sibling who borrows your stuff without asking to the parent who texts in all caps, family dynamics are often the ultimate test of discernment. The key here is to distinguish between healthy boundaries and outright avoidance. 

Balancing Love and Logic 

Family relationships are steeped in love, history, and a generous sprinkling of quirks. Your cousin might argue passionately about pineapple on pizza, and your dad might lovingly critique your life choices as if they’re his favorite TV show. But discernment means knowing when to engage and when to let things slide. Not every hill is worth dying on—especially if the hill involves pineapple toppings. 

The Art of Setting Boundaries 

Discernment also empowers you to set boundaries without guilt. It teaches you that saying “no” to that fourth family barbecue this month doesn’t make you the villain—it makes you human. And when done with kindness and a touch of wit, boundaries can even strengthen family bonds. Picture this: “I love you guys, but spending time with you and keeping my sanity requires careful scheduling. Let’s plan for next week!” 

Adding Fun and Wit to the Mix 

Discernment doesn’t have to be solemn or stuffy. In fact, it pairs spectacularly well with humor. When faced with tricky situations, a lighthearted quip or playful approach can break tension and keep relationships intact. For instance, when your friend insists their karaoke rendition of Whitney Houston was flawless, you can say, “You’re right—flawlessly unique!” Or when your family debates Netflix vs. Hulu for the tenth time, simply suggest reading a book instead and watch the laughter erupt. 

Life Is a Balancing Act 

In the end, discernment is about creating a life where your relationships—whether chosen or inherited—add joy, value, and meaning. It’s the ability to navigate the tricky conversations, cherish the golden moments, and laugh off the absurd ones. Discernment doesn’t ask for perfection; it simply begs for clarity, kindness, and a healthy dose of fun. 

So, go ahead. Be discerning. Move through life with the confidence of someone who knows when to hold tight, when to let go, and when to offer a cheeky wink as you navigate challenges. Friends and family may not always make life easy, but with discernment, they’ll always make it worthwhile.