Expectations: Lessons I Didn’t See Coming

Definition of Expectation:

1. The act or state of expecting; anticipation.
2. Something expected — often not living up to what was hoped for.

We use the word expectation all the time, but have we ever really studied it?
I had to. Life forced me to.

Over the past five years—after surviving a coma—I’ve learned more lessons about expectations than I could have ever imagined. Hard lessons. Humbling lessons. Painful, beautiful, necessary lessons.
And the learning hasn’t stopped.

It reminds me of those old sayings our elders used to preach—ones I once rolled my eyes at. Now, I’m living proof that many of them were true.

I could even write my own list at this point.

Do We Put Too Much Expectation On Ourselves?

Maybe some of us do. Maybe most of us do.

Before the coma, I had expectations stacked sky-high for myself.
I had worked hard through my 20s and 30s so I could enjoy life in my 40s.
I earned three degrees.
I secured a stable government job (or so I thought).
I owned a fully furnished home, drove a car I loved, took vacations, gave faithfully at church, contributed to a 401(k), and even worked part-time on the side.

I expected love. Marriage. Family.
I prepared for it all.
I cooked, I cleaned, I managed my life like clockwork.

I expected that the path I had built for myself would continue exactly as I planned.

But then—everything changed.

After the coma, I woke up to a life where nothing I once owned remained, except for the breath in my body.
Some days, even now, I ask God: Why wake me up to a world of pain, heartache, bills, disappointments, and broken dreams?
My expectations had crumbled—and I didn’t know what to do with the rubble.own in you.

My Expectations of God

I had expectations for God too.

I believed that if I gave away my worldly possessions, He would bless me tenfold.
I believed that if I stayed faithful, obedient, and kept His commandments, He would heal me completely.
I expected my faithfulness to be rewarded.

But my reality was harsh:
Everything that could go wrong with my body did.

And I couldn’t understand it.
I didn’t smoke, drink, or use drugs. I ate healthy. I prayed. I served.

So why was my body riddled with diseases I thought only belonged to “the other side of life”?

What I have come to realize is this:
When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.

I was seeking fulfillment on the surface, craving immediate gratification from my expectations.
Meanwhile, God was working deeper—on the parts of me I couldn’t see.
He was reshaping my spirit, not just my circumstances.
He was meeting my expectations—just not in the ways I had envisioned.

Expectations of People

We hear it all the time:
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

I had expectations for the people in my life too.
I thought that when my storms came, certain friends and family would show up and ride it out with me.

Instead, many disappeared.
My life had shifted drastically, while theirs carried on unchanged.
And that hurt.

There were days when I wanted to pick up the phone and ask: Why?
Why did you leave me when I needed you most?

But my closest friends helped pull me back to reality:
“We are grown. If they wanted to be there, they would.”
“If they don’t, let them go.”

It stung. But over time, I got better at handling it.

God also whispered to me:
The level I’m taking you to requires losing people who can’t go with you.

And so, the “delete” button became my unlikely best friend.
The thought of rekindling certain dating relationships grew faint.
Mental peace, once elusive, became sacred.

In all of this, one expectation remained clear and solid:
Live. Love. Laugh. Learn.

Final Reflection

Expectations can either sadden you…
or they can grow you.

I’m choosing growth.
Painful growth. Slow growth.
But real growth—the kind that rebuilds a soul from the inside out.

I may not have gotten the life I expected.
But I am becoming the woman God always knew I could be.

And honestly?
That’s a life worth living.