2019 trials and tribulation · Faith · Feelings · Life Advice · Sickle Cell Disease · Spiritual, devotion · Survivors · Thoughts · Warriors

Expectations

Definition of expectation. 1 : the act or state of expecting : anticipation in expectation of what would happen. 2a : something expected not up to expectations expectations for an economic recovery.

Let’s start with the first definition. We use this word constantly but have we really studied it. I had to learn a great valuable lesson or maybe I should say lessons in the past five years. So many lessons I have learned during my life after a coma, and still learning new lessons as I go along. Rings bells of old folk sayings and I now proof that there is some truth to all you have read or heard. I will create a list of my own too.

First, I want to ask do we put too much expectations on our selves?, maybe some people more than others. After the coma, I lost everything I owned except my life and even now I have some days when I asked God why wake me up to a world of pain, bills, heartaches, disappointments, and troubles. My expectation on myself was this: I worked hard in my 20’s, 30’s so in my 40’s I could enjoy life. I have 3 degrees, I had a secure government job (but was that really secure?), a house fully furnished, car, vacations of traveling, shopping, did my part in church, a 401K, and also had a part-time job. I expected to find love, to be married, to live the family life and I prepared for it in every aspect I though of. I cooked, maintained a household single handed, bills paid on time. So when my life’s exceptions could no longer be maintained I was and still is lost as what do I do. I never expected that my expectations for myself would someday, sometime no longer exists. I had exceptions for God too, if I give my worldly possessions away he would bless me 10 times what I lost. He made promises of healing to me and I expected him to fulfill these promise. He said if I kept my faith and obeyed his commandments he would be faithful to me but was he? or was my expectations superficial?.. I thought and believed I was a good Christian but was I? Everything that could go wrong with my body had and did. I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, eat healthy yet still my body has been diagnosed with all the diseases that can and would happen to someone who does. What I do know and believe is when you are down to nothing God is up to something. I was looking for expectations on the surface, I was looking for immediate gratification within my expectations for myself. But then I was looking outside while God was working on my insides slowly to really make me see that he met all my expectations all along, just not the way I wanted it to be done.

We have some friends who come into our lives for reasons, seasons, and to just shake us up. My expectations of people was just what this quote says I expected certain people to do or be there for me because that is what I would. But instead I lost friends and family members I was going through the worst and toughest time in my life and had no idea what did I do. My life changed drastically but their lives went on as usual but my expectations were they would be there to help me ride my storms instead they left. Whenever I got down about calling someone and asking them why? my closest friends quickly brought me to a check point of we are grown and adults if they want to reach out to you they will if not let it be. I had a hard time struggling with this but I got better at handling it. God explained to me that the level he is taking me to I will have to lose some people who are not right for me. I began to listen to God’s voice, the delete button became the best friend to me, not thinking about certain dating relationships became very very faint. Mental peace has a better meaning and understanding to me, the one expectation of myself I have maintained in life after a coma. Live Love Laugh and Learn. Expectation can sadden you or can promote grown in you.

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