Phoenix: Live Love Laugh

In this raw and honest reflection, I share what it’s like to cry from physical pain, emotional burnout, financial stress, and spiritual exhaustion—and how holding onto faith has kept me going through it all.

This morning, like I always do, I sat down to check my emails.
But this time, without warning, I started to cry.
I paused and asked myself, “Why am I crying?”

And the truth is…
I’ve cried more in the last five years—especially this last one—than in my entire life.
A light inside me dimmed somewhere along the way, and I’ve been desperately trying to relight it ever since.

Yes, I know that crying can be healing.
But some days, it doesn’t feel like healing.

Why I Cry

I cry because I am tired.
Tired in every way a person can be:

• Physically tired from nonstop pain
• Mentally tired from medical diagnoses and limitations
• Emotionally tired from broken relationships
• Financially tired from systems that bleed people dry
• Spiritually tired, even while still trusting God

Financial + Mental Fatigue: The Fight You Don’t See

Fighting the U.S. government and greedy companies has been like battling blood-sucking vultures.
They take and take, and leave nothing but fatigue behind.
And once you’re “woke” to how broken these systems are, you can’t unsee it.

The truth is—you can’t judge someone’s decisions if you’ve never lived their pain.
Just because you haven’t felt it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Emotional Exhaustion: When 100% Isn’t Enough

I’ve spent most of my life being the “sure thing.”

• The sure friend
• The sure auntie
• The sure girlfriend
• The sure helper
• The sure babysitter

I gave 100% in relationships and received 25% in return.
And now that I understand my worth, I’m disgusted by the things I once settled for.

There are people out there who only know an older version of me—
A version that no longer exists and will never return.

Mentally Drained, Yet Full of Purpose

Doctors tell me my brain damage is permanent.
Their advice? “Reinvent yourself.”
But everything I love, everything I dream, and everything I’ve built…
All started in this “damaged brain.”

How do you let go of something so essential?

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know my purpose is still alive in me.
Maybe hidden. Maybe wounded. But not lost.

Five Years of Pain: No Breaks, No Pauses

I’ve lived in pain for five straight years.
No breaks.
No relief.
Hospitalized in three different states.
Surgeries in three different cities.
My body has endured everything that could go wrong—and still, I rise.

Spiritually Tired… But Never Alone

This tiredness—this soul-deep ache—is the only kind that could ever lead to my freedom.

I cried today because I felt blessed.
I cried because God has carried me through storms that should’ve drowned me.
The known and unknown blessings He’s given me brought me to my knees.

And I heard Him whisper:

“I know you’ve been struggling—financially, emotionally, spiritually.
I know the devil has tried to steal your peace.
You’ve been betrayed, abandoned, misused.
But you’re still here—because I am with you.
I will not allow any weapon to prosper.
I will bless you in the presence of your enemies.
HOLD ON TO YOUR FAITH.”

These are the shower cries.
The car ride cries.
The sunny day, soul-cleansing cries.
The kind of tears that feel like they’re washing away every burden, every sin, every doubt.

If You’re Reading This…

I don’t know who needs this—but I know it’s for someone.

Hold on to your faith.
Hold on to your hope.
Hold on to who you are.

Don’t let go.
Don’t give up.
It’s coming.

Too many people give up just before the blessing arrives.
Let this be your reminder: you’re not too far gone. You’re just one breakthrough away.