I originally wrote this August 25, 2019 .. it was in my draft lost writings. The more things change the more things remain the same.
This weekend was filled with just lonely thoughts. Not really in the physical aspect of being lonely more of being alone. Yes, two different concepts. You can be alone without being lonely. I raised my son alone as a single mother but I was never lonely in doing so.
I don’t ever remember a time in my life as really experiencing both emotions at the same time, but this past year to now I had to admit to myself I was indeed feeling both.
It has mainly to do with my medical situation and the fact that I am in a state I have grown to resent. No offense to anyone living in Texas but it is just my current feelings and maybe more health related. I have always been a free spirited person. I get up and go where I want to and when I want to, benefits of being single. The traffic in Houston, TX is horrible and I hate it with a passion. The damage with my brain makes that feeling even worse. I cannot just get in the car and drive, explore, wonder, visit anywhere without a purpose of goal. I love my company because I can get into trouble all by myself. I feel stagnant, I have no one here around me, no family, no friends, no acquaintances. I am working on finding peace here so this feeling is temporary.
I started a list of places in Texas I would like to visit and write about, probably just a weekend one over night especially because there are all 3 hours away. So to get the best of my exploring a full day is needed. I made two acquaintances through who turned out to be shady and flaky, this further created more unfavorable liking to welcoming my life in the state of Texas. Most of my days are just spent on getting better so I can move. I think summer time is hardest because it’s SUMMER and it means traveling exploring and enjoying the best. Well, Texas has not real winter per-say it gets cold but nothing compares to the East coast but still no one likes going out when it’s cold or chilly.
I think maybe I should find a church home or some extracurricular actives to prevent me from being so lonely, but once again health issues don’t seem to make this an exciting and welcoming idea as it seems to sound. Oh well, thoughts of a new transplant to the great state of Houston, TX. Maybe next year will present different opportunities or different circumstances.
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