anxiety · Black girl magic · depression · Faith · Feelings · Life Advice · Life after a coma · Sickle Cell Disease · Survivors · Thoughts · Warriors

Depression and Mental Health PT3

It’s a rainy Saturday, I love rain the sound of the droplets, the comfort of knowing “this to shall pass”, feeling of peace that a rainbow is going to be formed reminding us the God will never destroy the world by rain and flood again.

Hello Readers, continuing from last mental health post. I was working part-time in the department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse when I first began the 25 mg of Sertraline. Three months later that dosage was moved up to 50 mg….wait for it another three months later I moved up to 100 mg. Have you ever worked in an environment so toxic the name does not relate to the services. Well, I never did until 2020-2021. I have never in my entire God-loving mind ever been or worked in such a mentally toxic environment. I cannot begin to describe the mental war that was going on in my head. This was as serious as the Ukraine war. I really thought it was me, I thought I had to have had a problem – well of course I did and it was unknown to me at that time but still it was mentally toxic. I had now moved up too 200 mg of Sertraline. Don’t worry God intervened.

Have you ever read about “the drowning man on the roof top”?

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help. Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.” To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety. ”To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.” So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!” To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

This story (parable) maybe fiction be it was my reality. I was given three opportunities and warnings to leave this job. One actually came from one of the Psychiatrist residents who worked there. I had confided in her a few months after working there, but all I could tell her is what I knew at that time I had hemorrhaging in my brain and was in a coma. She basically said to me “I don’t really know exactly what you’ve been through but as a normal Psychiatrist resident this environment is toxic for me, so I can only imagine what it’s doing to you”. I promised her I would think about leaving. A week later, she was seeing patients and asked me “did you think about it”? Not only did I think about it an event happened the day before (too much to go into). Let’s just say I literally went outside and SCREAMED out LOUD “Jesús take the wheel, I can’t do this on my own I am letting go”. So, the next morning in I came to work at 8:00 am with a tote bag and a smile on my face packed my bag, and continued to work silently because it was a Thankful Thursday and I knew I was thankful.

At 4:30 pm I got a call, saying my services where no longer need. I said Thank you.

The voice on the other end asked “do you know why?

I replied “No” and “I don’t care”.

Honestly, they never got an answer to why? I never did either. It’s been a year (May 29,2021) and I still don’t care. All I know is I asked my Heavenly Father to save me – and he did. I had faith that he will take care of my needs and he did…

Live Love Laugh… Enjoy your day where ever you are and be safe where ever you go…. Stay tuned Journey continues… told you a lot has happened.

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